Sunday, August 9, 2009

Days 69 and 70 of 100

I am holding onto joy these past couple of days. God has directed me to NOT journal about the rough moments. Rather, He wants me to come directly to Him, work it out with Him, and then LET IT GO.

Easier said than done. I'm doing the best I can. Have needed to go to God frequently these past few days. Going through boxes and boxes of STUFF all through my house and finding what feels like an unending stream of broken dreams. I'm working on clearing out my home, and the end of it all will be wonderful, but the process is HARD.

In being obedient to God's urging to NOT write about these feelings, I have found much solace in the daily paintings.

Day 69

I have no clue what they are "about." I just know that I sit, reach for the colors that seem to call to me, and then apply them in ways that something deep inside me tells me to.

Day 70

I think it's safe to say that that deep thing inside me is INSISTING on beauty and harmony.

As I was typing up this post, another wave of tears swamped me. I reached out to God and asked for help, right now. He spoke to me through the words of a hymn: "Holy Spirit, source of gladness, Come with all Thy radiance bright; Lift all burdens and all sadness; O'er Thy children shed Thy light." Thank You, God.


Anonymous said...

I hope you don't mind, but I have been praying for you alot. I so want you to be happy and I know one day soon the tears will be gone for good.

May You be healthy
May You be content
May You love yourself completely and with great kindness
Just as You are now
No matter what happens

I say this prayer for all those I care about.

PS.Your art is truly beautiful!

aquamaureen said...

Oh, dear sweet Tabitha--How could I EVER mind being prayed for??? Thank you. I know that your prayers have helped smooth out my rocky times.

Thank you thank you thank you

Lauren said...

I couldn't help but comment on the imagery of that close up at the bottom of your post. I know it is not meanto to be represent anything in particular...but I couldn't help but seeing a web of outstretched hands....the deep blue hands holding a torch that shines bright....with one of the "rays" of light directly connected to another larger ray.

I can't quite describe in words what it looks/feels like to me...but it is definitely God-like to me....God and your web of friends supporting you...

Anonymous said...

You are more than welcome!

aquamaureen said...

Yes yes yes, Lauren---I see the hands and the torch!!! Something about that closeup really pulled at me. I definitely felt the interconnectedness. But now I see the hands, too . .. thank you for having "eyes that see deeply"

Lauren said...

:) definitely need to figure out how to see your follow up comments regularly. :)

Natasha said...

Oh Maureen ... I am reaching out to you and giving you the biggest and warmest hug imaginable. I am keeping good thoughts and prayers going! It's truly interesting to see the progression within represented in your paintings. In the first one..there are these bright red explosions of colors, passion, emotion and on right side two seem to be coming together. Then in the second piece there are larger waves of emotion...blues but fading to purple...isn't purple symbolic of healing? And more of those pieces are connecting just as I believe more and more is connecting within you...becoming dear friend...I wish you peace and lots of love!

aquamaureen said...

Thank you, dear Natasha, for looking so deeply, and for putting words to what I could express only through painting. You pretty much summed up what i was feeling when I did these. MOre than I can say, I appreciate your tenderness and prayers.

Amanda Fall - PersistentGreen said...

Oh, day 70 is fantastic! If this is what tears bring, maybe they're watering something inside you and bringing it into life. :)