Thursday, June 4, 2009

Day 4 of 100

Only four days into this project and it's already part of me. Some sort of oasis in the desert.

I have finally started making serious inroads into sorting through 30+ years of Stuff, complicated by the fact that the marriage that produced the Stuff didn't survive, but the Stuff did. It's really hard to sort through what should have been souvenirs of those decades but is instead sad reminders of what is no longer.

Also, opposite-sex relationships since divorce have not gone well. They, too, seem to be being shed, one by one. Or at the very least, they are not turning out the way I'd hoped.

So, in the midst of the past week of all sorts of housecleaning and soulsorting, I have taken water and color and splooshed on paper. Yesterday and today I worked on the pieces all throughout the day, a dab here and a swirl there.
With the sorting, I'm letting go of so much that I once dreamed would be wonderful. At the same time, I am allowing myself to play with the simplest of elements, on one 5x7 piece of paper a day. Downstairs go through a musty box of old papers and letters and anniversary cards. Then go upstairs and see how lemon yellow looks next to raspberry and spring green.

Making beauty with the same hands that are sifting through emotional wreckage and worn-out dreams is somehow saving me.


Lauren said...

your words are so heartfelt --and the artwork is absolutely beautiful.

emotional wreckage and worn out dreams -- seems a perfect counterbalance to the brilliant colors and graceful form on the page

your art is transforming before my eyes...and it sounds like your soul is healing as well.

sharon said...

absolutely beautiful, Maureen...both the picture and your words...and YOU!

aquamaureen said...

Thank you, sweet sister Sharon and sweet new friend Lauren: I needed to see myself through your eyes this morning. Right this moment, less-than-lovely thoughts are trying to overwhelm me and scream: old/fat/ugly/unwanted/ungrateful. But I asked God this morning to help me see myself as He sees me, and He is doing that, through the two of you. I will hold on to: absolutely beautiful/brilliant/graceful/heartfelt. Thank you both.

Natasha said...

Your work moves me beyond words. I find when I see your weekly submissions or visit your blog, I sit here wide eyed taking in every line, every stroke, every color...I breathe it in through every sense because it shifts my perspective, it opens my heart and makes me feel....your words make me think, dream, ponder, are such a vibrant beautiful soul Maureen..I don't even think you realize how much better you make many people's lives...the colors you paint are within you, you share them in all you do...that's so amazing :)

aquamaureen said...

Natasha--tears of gratitude blur my eyes right now, so all I can see to type is THANK YOU, so much, for these words. I will probably print out all these responses and carry them around with me.