Monday, May 18, 2009

I'm back . . .

Yes, I'm back. And the weird part is that I didn't even realize I'd been "gone." Ever since I started blogging in January, some internal calendar sent me to the computer every few days to post a message. But in May, that evidently didn't happen.

I do know that I've felt particularly unsettled the past few weeks. A dear dear friend finally talked to me, and persisted, until I was able to see that something was indeed out-of-whack. Yes, I had made a commitment early in January to follow where God was leading me, even though it felt very uncomfortable. God had promised to be my partner in the dance of life and He was urging me--actually He was inviting me quite insistently :)--to stay out on the dance floor with Him and not to worry if I didn't know the steps (He did). And I was not to run for the chairs along the wall in between songs. Just stay out there, smack dab in the middle of the world and new experiences and evolving relationships and listen for the music.

I obeyed. A result of this was that I often felt uneasy, uncomfortable. I was definitely thinking things and saying things and doing things that were not "usual" for me. True, I was uncomfortable, but I was with the Comforter. I let that assurance support me and gradually I got more accustomed to NOT feeling comfortable.

But these past few weeks, as my dear dear friend helped me see, I had lost the joy. As I prayed in private, what God revealed to me was that in those early months, it was very appropriate that I feel sort of twitchy and at times, gritchy, due to being far out of my comfort zone. But now I had grown quite a bit. And actually, I had OUTgrown that twitchy gritchy feeling and was now feeling it only out of habit. It was time for me to lay aside what was appropriate THEN, and move forward. With joy.

As nearly as I can tell, this need for emotional recalibration is what made my internal calendar go whacky, resulting in my being oh-so-sure I had left several posts here during May, when in fact I had not. (Gee, how much MORE have I thought I've done and really, I haven't???? :)

In a sweet blessing from God and the universe, even during this time with only one post for nearly 3 weeks, several new people have visited my blog and left wonderfully supportive comments. Thank you to everyone, both new and familiar, for the responses. They mean the world.

See you soon.


Amanda (Blake) Fall said...

LOVE that tulip pic! Makes me think of how you might feel after being out on that "dance floor"--tired, ready to flop, but still radiant.

Anonymous said...

Have a blessed day. :)

Lauren said...

It truly is amazing the way that God works -- and the incredible lessons He teaches us when we just tune in ...and trust.

You and I are definitely strolling down similar paths in our life (although I haven't been able to articulate it as well as you just did in that post). There are days when I just keep "dancing" in hopes that eventually I hear the music. Then there are other days when I am "singing" and hoping that someone hears my garbly voice as song.

You made me cry this morning with your comment on my blog that I was obviously "an accomplished poet." Writing -- in any creative format -- is my dream. But no one has ever called me a poet. Thank you, thank you for that amazing gift.

You may see some version of this comment show up on one of my blogs...because you gave me a gift that means so much to is story-worthy.

Thank you again. And I'm so glad you are "back" to keep writing. You are a special woman. :)

Lauren said...

A little something for you my friend.