Monday, May 25, 2009

After the Rain

All night the sky wept. When I woke to today's gray wet morning, Love surprised me by also waking me to a heart brimming with quiet hope.

She who loves sunshine more than words can say, rose from a sweet night's sleep, tore the lid from last night's pizza box and painted a list of possibilities for today.

Third on the royal purple list was "weed." I needed to make room for the flowers I'd bought yesterday.

I went outside, ostensibly to just turn on my fountains, but I didn't come back inside for two hours. Without any conscious intent, I bent over one of my gardens and pulled a handful of grass.

Delighted at how easily it gave up its hold, I pulled another clump. Then another.

The night's rain had not only watered last year's seeds and bulbs. It had also made it nearly a joy to pull the weeds that were choking out the perennials and those determined enough to reseed themselves.

As I worked my way through first one garden, then another, I thought of all the tears I'd shed these past few days, mourning the loss of a friendship that had, in many ways, sustained me in the nearly two years since an unwanted divorce had become final.

These recent tears at times felt like molten pain, searing my insides. But they also served to cleanse and clarify.
Late last night I was finally able to acknowledge that yes, many sharp and sweet joys came out of that friendship. But this good was, sadly, more than counterbalanced by acts of hurt and betrayal.

I am ready now to accept that I deserve better.

My weeding showed me that the rain loosened the soil, making the removal of what did not belong nearly effortless. In the same way, tears had soothed and softened my bruised heart, allowing the removal of old growth, roots and all.

Once the weeds were removed, several clumps of flowers were able to show their sweet faces.

Space was made for new flowers to be planted.
And so also do I feel tiny buds of love and tender hope stir in the soil of my soul . . . watered, yes, by tears, but also warmed into blossom by Love's constant embrace.
And I too am ready for new love to take root and bloom.


Anonymous said...

(((Hugs To You Maureen)))

haron said...

Well put as always! Yahoo to the part of realizing you deserve better.

Lauren said...

Maureen -- I have goosebumps after reading this stunning, poetic story. Absolutely beautiful. It's stories like that make me say, 'bring on the rain.'

aquamaureen said...

Thank you, Tabitha, Sharon, and Lauren. One always wonders if anyone "out there" reads our messages. It's always so heart-touching to hear loving responses.

Thank you all, so much.

Amanda Fall - PersistentGreen said...

Beautifully written. Can't wait to see those flowers take off!

sharon said...

Read it again and loved the progression of pics up to the final tiny bloom hidden under the weeds. It's even more special having been in that very garden. I loved the part about painting your list on a pizza box. I am using my watercolors quite often. Thanks again!

Lauren said...

just wanted to pop in and say hello...and let you know i was thinking of you. hope the rain has passed....

D'Arcy said...

wow, I found you via Warrior Girl.

Your prose reads like rich poetry and I found myself thinking of Keats and the green lands of Ireland in the Lake Isle of Innisfree.

How beautiful.

aquamaureen said...

Amanda--thank you for your comments. When an artist as accomplished as you calls something "beautiful," that really means a lot!

Sharon--I'm honored you'd read my words more than once! and thank you for noticing my selection of photos. I think I love best that one of the single little viola--it doesn't care that it's all alone--it still blossoms for all it's worth!!! And I'm so glad you are using your watercolors--i want to see what you are doing with them.

Lauren--it touches me that you stopped in to say hello :) And I LOVE your new photo--thought you wee lovely in the previous one, but this new one is lovely plus glamorous!!

D'Arcy--what a treat to have you visit, and I love that you found me on Rowena's site. Her honesty encourages and inspires me to say things true and real. And your comments about my writing--that my "prose reads like rich poetry"--wow, that is really a gift to me. Thank you.