Hearttired

Not really sure why I'm writing now, but feel the nudge to do so. I'm due to leave the house to attend a function at our local Opera House and I'm likely going alone. And I don't want to. My daughter encourages me to be brave, telling me that who knows? I might meet someone there . . Yeah . . .

I have put my whole heart into being loving and open and tenderhearted, almost defiantly so, in the aftermath of an unwanted divorce. I've been insistent that I could not be deprived of the opportunity to express love, just because my husband decided to exit our marriage. For the most part I think I've done pretty well. But oh, at times my heart and soul and somehow, the inside of my skin, is just tiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrreeeeed. I want to be at the END of the journey. I want someone to love. I want someone to love me.

I know. A whole of of "I wants" there . . . sounds pretty self-centered, doesn't it? I don't mean it that way. I just have so much love to share . . .and I still hurt so much, thinking that there just isn't a man who wants to be with me. So hard to not think there must be something WRONG with me.

I know. Be grateful. Find something to be grateful for. I'll do that. Gotta go now and get dressed. Yes, I AM going out tonight, alone. And the smile on my face will be genuine, not forced.