Wednesday, October 27, 2010


I searched through my photos for a shot I was sure I'd taken a week or so ago. My gorgeous sunflowers had finally given up their last blossoms. The tangled brown mess of naked stalks and empty seedheads spoke of the end of a luxuriant growing season.

I was gonna post that here, to mirror the way my heart feels right now. Empty. Blossomless. Unbeautiful. But I can't find it. Maybe I just dreamed I took it.

And maybe I shouldn't be posting these thoughts. Maybe I should be digging deep for something inspirational. Usually, no matter what, I hang in there until I can see daylight. Hope. But not right now. Not tonight.

I had yet one more hearthurting time with a man tonight. I know that, the way I'm made, I am unable to do anything but keep my heart open to love. But that also means being open to hurt. And boy howdy, I've had a lot of that lately. Actually, for as long as I can remember.

No, I'm not giving up. I can't. Probably would if I could. But I can't. My faith in God, Love, is too deep and strong. I've learned from sad experience that a sore soul does heal.

I know that soon, maybe tomorrow, maybe even sooner, perhaps in the dark before dawn, I will feel the pulse of hope restarting my heart. I will review all there is to be grateful for. I will find something outside myself, something to do for someone else.

But for tonight, I hurt.


Sharon said...

I am so sorry you are in such a rough patch, and I wish I could wrap my arms around you and give you a huge hug.

No matter how you feel, Maureen, please be assured you are NOT empty, blossomless or unbeautiful. Your life overflows with generosity and passionate caring. Your beauty blooms and shines for all to see. It is the enemy who would cause you to think otherwise.

I love you with all my heart.

aquamaureen said...

Thank you, Sharon, dear sister of my heart. Your words are balm to my sore spots.

Sharon said...

Wish you didn't have any sore spots...but then you would have to have a tough hide rather than your outrageously sensitive and compassionate servant's heart.

aquamaureen said...

Sharon--thank you for your evaluation of my heart. It means more to me than I can find words for.

I love you.