I searched through my photos for a shot I was sure I'd taken a week or so ago. My gorgeous sunflowers had finally given up their last blossoms. The tangled brown mess of naked stalks and empty seedheads spoke of the end of a luxuriant growing season.
I was gonna post that here, to mirror the way my heart feels right now. Empty. Blossomless. Unbeautiful. But I can't find it. Maybe I just dreamed I took it.
And maybe I shouldn't be posting these thoughts. Maybe I should be digging deep for something inspirational. Usually, no matter what, I hang in there until I can see daylight. Hope. But not right now. Not tonight.
I had yet one more hearthurting time with a man tonight. I know that, the way I'm made, I am unable to do anything but keep my heart open to love. But that also means being open to hurt. And boy howdy, I've had a lot of that lately. Actually, for as long as I can remember.
No, I'm not giving up. I can't. Probably would if I could. But I can't. My faith in God, Love, is too deep and strong. I've learned from sad experience that a sore soul does heal.
I know that soon, maybe tomorrow, maybe even sooner, perhaps in the dark before dawn, I will feel the pulse of hope restarting my heart. I will review all there is to be grateful for. I will find something outside myself, something to do for someone else.
But for tonight, I hurt.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Monday, October 4, 2010
In my little neck of the woods, we are being blessed with a glorious fall. My sweet daughter Amanda and I have gone out several days this past week and just reveled in the softly warm temps, the angled light, and oh, the brilliant washes of color.
We walked down a road near her house, stopped on a street bisecting town, tramped along Mt. Roosevelt Trail near Deadwood, hiked in Spearfish Canyon, and wound our way past Iron Creek Lake, in the shadow of Crow Peak. Never were we more than 30 miles from my front door. All the beauty I'm about to share with you (and these 3 dozen snapshots came from 3 hundred I took) is that near, just waiting to be seen and appreciated.
I'm not gonna add any more details. In one photo, my house is in the distance, but it's no bigger in the photo than an ant's leg, so why point it out? And the only human in any of the shots is my sweet companion in adventure, Amanda, and you'll know who she is, precisely because I have just told you she is the only human you will see :)
So, come walk with me, and open your heart to incredible beauty.