One Corner at a Time

Heading off in a few minutes to help teach a dance class. Can't find a partner for myself, but found this way to dance, every Monday night for six weeks. I help a friend teach the basics of duo-dancing--what a joy to see someone's face when they finally get a step.

When I update you on my progress on my house "reveal," I share before and after pictures, but I GOTTA start with something prettier!! So here's what a simple peanut butter and jelly sammich looks like, when the filling is homemade strawberry/raspberry jam made by a friend, and shared lovingly.

I tackled one corner of one room today (I refuse to think how many more corners await me). The files were nearly inaccessible, and the pile on the floor is mostly a mass of all my bags having books and papers from different events.

I worked slowly, steadily for several hours. I did NOT just move the stuff to other places. No, instead I went through each bag and sorted the contents. Had a big boo-hoo over a big stack of income tax returns. All the way back to 1974--the first year I was married. Each folder chockfull of evidence of how carefully I'd managed our family's money. All sorts of notes to verify every expense of every move (back when this was tax-deductible.) All those years that I thought I was laboring along with a loving partner, for jointly-held dreams.

I let myself cry hard, and briefly, for the loss of all those years. For the present realization that I was really the only person involved in those dreams.

Then I tossed everything in the trash.

Had my marriage turned out differently, I might likely have saved all those memorabilia for possible story ideas. I still love everything I did those years, with and for my children, but I am LETTING GO and accepting the fact that my husband was physically present, but emotionally absent much of the time. So be it.

Here's the result of my efforts:

God has called me to live in the here and now, and He is giving me plenty of joyous stuff, right here and now, to live out and write about. Thank You, God.

I'd originally thought I'd tackle this one whole room for the month of January. Hasn't worked that way so far. Again, my theory of working on the house every day, and some sort of walk/exercise every day, has just not worked out. But I am staying with loving with myself, and trying to focus on what I AM able to do, versus what I do NOT get done.

How is YOUR new year coming? Anything you want to share? Any new goals? Projects? Dreams?