Monday, January 25, 2010

One Corner at a Time

Heading off in a few minutes to help teach a dance class. Can't find a partner for myself, but found this way to dance, every Monday night for six weeks. I help a friend teach the basics of duo-dancing--what a joy to see someone's face when they finally get a step.

When I update you on my progress on my house "reveal," I share before and after pictures, but I GOTTA start with something prettier!! So here's what a simple peanut butter and jelly sammich looks like, when the filling is homemade strawberry/raspberry jam made by a friend, and shared lovingly.

I tackled one corner of one room today (I refuse to think how many more corners await me). The files were nearly inaccessible, and the pile on the floor is mostly a mass of all my bags having books and papers from different events.

I worked slowly, steadily for several hours. I did NOT just move the stuff to other places. No, instead I went through each bag and sorted the contents. Had a big boo-hoo over a big stack of income tax returns. All the way back to 1974--the first year I was married. Each folder chockfull of evidence of how carefully I'd managed our family's money. All sorts of notes to verify every expense of every move (back when this was tax-deductible.) All those years that I thought I was laboring along with a loving partner, for jointly-held dreams.

I let myself cry hard, and briefly, for the loss of all those years. For the present realization that I was really the only person involved in those dreams.

Then I tossed everything in the trash.

Had my marriage turned out differently, I might likely have saved all those memorabilia for possible story ideas. I still love everything I did those years, with and for my children, but I am LETTING GO and accepting the fact that my husband was physically present, but emotionally absent much of the time. So be it.
Here's the result of my efforts:

God has called me to live in the here and now, and He is giving me plenty of joyous stuff, right here and now, to live out and write about. Thank You, God.

I'd originally thought I'd tackle this one whole room for the month of January. Hasn't worked that way so far. Again, my theory of working on the house every day, and some sort of walk/exercise every day, has just not worked out. But I am staying with loving with myself, and trying to focus on what I AM able to do, versus what I do NOT get done.

How is YOUR new year coming? Anything you want to share? Any new goals? Projects? Dreams?


Sarah said...

Good for you!!! That area looks AMAZING!!! Very impressive.

A.Marie said...

I absolutely love the looks of that sammich...yummy!!

I also loved how you wrote about your husband being physically present but emotionally twin sister is going through the same emotions right now, as you are. Her husband of 25 years left her for another woman and she is starting to have to move forward and stop focusing on the past. I'm going to tell her to read your blog!

I am really, really proud of you!! That room looks terrific. It is now all organized and ready for you to tackle the "here and now" of life!

I am starting to do our taxes today. My goal is to get the 2009 papers moved to the large storage file cabinet so that my small under-the-dest cabinet will be free to file the 2010 items. Then, since we itemize, I have to get those items organized.


aquamaureen said...

Sarah--Thanks for your cheerleading. I've gone back to that corner several times today and just smiled.

A.Marie . . .oh my, my heart goes out to your sister. How well I know the type of pain she's going through--no one can know EXACTLY, because our journeys of the heart are as unique as we are--but still, I ache for her.

If she can find some solace in the things I've shared in my blog--some sense of sisterhood and hope--that would be wonderful.

Re: my room. The corner looks wonderful, but the rest of the room is still crying out for attention. Plus, INSIDE those now-tidy file cabinets lurk still more stuff to be sorted. BUT, I've made a start!

I don't know if your sister lives near you, but if possible, give her a BIG hug from me.

Sharon said...

That is one fantastic corner! Good work, Maureen!! I know all this sorting and remembering is so challenging for you. I am so proud of you for tackling this monumental task. One corner at a time---one wall at a time---one day at a time. You CAN do it!

Pretty soon each room will showcase your unique creativity and tender care!